Our brains function with extremely specific cues, monitoring systems, levels of emotional predisposition as well as the routines that you have created over the years in your life! That is the main issue with several individuals, that many times routines were integrated in their brains, psyche and of course they're now part of an identity simply because all of them were model repetitively during their childhood years!
Thus, now the big question is: How do you get rid of all the baggage and toxic models that were displayed for you?
Well, if we start developing an open mind that allows to see our habits or repetitive behaviors with more compassion and try to trace back why we are performing those behaviors, in terms of your emotional motives! Then, you might have a great opportunity to embrace, get the meaning and let the toxic behavior finally be released.
If at certain point in your life you developed some kind of behavior to cope with any kind of emotion that you were feeling in that moment, then these kinds of behaviors, that of course, can become habits! Are reinforced by your emotional limbic brain, that designed a safety network to feel protected by the behavior, instead of being protected by the adult that was supposed to give that kind of safety by paying attention, caring for your wellbeing or being present in your life!
Practically, all human beings were neglected of some kind of nurturing behavior, which is not to assign blame to anyone, it simply human nature and the rollercoaster of life events that usually doesn't allow a responsible adult in those particular moments to do a more thorough job! As parents, we certainly are challenged with a huge pressure to do our best for our children so they don't repeat some mistakes, behaviors or create toxic patterns like the ones we might still have in our lives!
Nevertheless, the more you are fixated for the correction of your child's behavior, you completely lose track of your own life! Which in the end, at least for all those years between zero and seven years old, you're modeling to your children and that is the biggest imprint that you're creating in their minds! Without you even noticing that you're doing more damage than good!
Therefore, just like when get in airplane and you listened to the safety indications of using a mask, you first! And then trying to help anyone else! That is the same safety instruction you should be able to perform in your own life! Occupy your thoughts, emotions and intention in improving your own behavior, because the more you exemplify a congruent life for your children, the easier they will pick up your emotions, behaviors and suddenly they will simply get rid of any kind of toxic coping mechanisms to adopt a healthier way of being!
This is one of the most important ways to clean the profile and stop the toxic repetitive cycle that is inherited generation after generation!
Now, let's move on to other stages of your life were all those behaviors are sadly already imprinted in your brain!
o As mentioned earlier, doing a thorough without being obsessed with finding the exact moment, just try to list all the habits that don't even make sense in your adult stage!
o Subsequently, start assigning a meaning of the coping emotional mechanism that is trying to give that safety that you didn't receive! Once you have those pieces of the puzzle, you will be able to notice that now you're the only one in charge to fill that emotional void with a more healthy, nurturing and congruent behavior!
o Hence, picking up this energy emotional momentum, start creating a small list of three to five new healthy habits that you can start implementing in your life! Assign an emotional cue or goal, feel comfortable with the direction and end result that you're looking for!
o Create a new identity based on that end result, how do you want to see yourself? What kind of personality upgrades are you looking for? What is the health you want to experience? etc. The more you imagine and envision your new persona, the easier it will be for you to imprint a new emotional cue in your brain that we replace the coping mechanism that you developed as a result of those poor examples from your childhood!
Moving on to a next phase of understanding habit formation, we're just going to mention three regions of the brain that are intrinsically implicated in the piece assembling system of practically all your habits:
1) Emotional or limbic region, this segment of the brain that has several substructures involved in habit formation and for the purpose of being simpler and having an easier explanation we'll call it your emotion brain, in this section the most important feature is, of course, as the name implies, how do you want to feel when performing the behavior? if it is something that you're trying to imprint! If it is something that you're already doing, how do you feel, when that toxic behavior is performed?
Remember, that specificity without feeling anxious or stressed in how you want to feel or are feeling is extremely important to support the new message in the brain! On the other hand, if you want to discard a toxic habit, it is also important that you deliberately narrate how do you feel and some of the consequences of the toxic behavior so that your emotional brain captures those emotions and the next you phase the craving moments, you react with a more conscious action!
2) Episodic memory, in this region of the brain, of course, we will find the snapshots that you have created of those habits, in the case of getting rid of the toxic ones! And in the case of reprogramming new behaviors, then what you have to do is associating new imaginative moments that you will be able to experience when making that new habit yours! This stage, can be extremely amusing if you simply let yourself be driven by that child spark of creativity to develop new moments in your memory! Assign a trailer of your new persona to the movie you want to create!
3) Reasoning region, this is the adult of the game that now needs a congruent and supportive justification to start doing the new habit! This might be for some individuals, the boring stage, because now you will have to create a narrative that stimulates a very good reason to implement the change!
However, this doesn't mean that you can't have fun in this stage! This, just means that you need to create a rationale that allows you to see all the benefits that you will get from doing this new behavior! To make it easier, imagine that you're selling this new habit to a person that really needs it, but of course at the moment is not able to see all the benefits hidden in the product (habit).
As you can see engaging your three regions of the brain is the only way to ingrain the habit in your deepest layers of your inner being, making part of your identity and allowing yourself to be taken by it towards a more fulfilled life that reflects more your inner voice, wisdom and multiple organ signals!
We have been so distracted for decades with all the digital age, with a deluge of stimuli that all they want is to disempower your own confidence, distract you and eventually engage you into someone’s ideology to believe that you need something external to save you, that with their amazing, magical product you will change and that practically you can do it without effort!
Nevertheless, as you have verified by how our minds work, it is practically impossible to really change and have stronger beliefs that make you grow and expand if the change doesn’t come more your deepest inner desires!
Whenever it is an imposition or someone else’s influence the “change” will just be completely fake, elusive and suddenly will evaporate from your life without even having a chance to create a habit!
That is the final underlying message in the culture of self-improvement, which should be obvious for more people, as the name is also self-explanatory, it is called self-improvement because you’re the one that needs to decide what needs to be changed, what needs to be improved and what is working or not in your life!
Yet, reflection, stillness and giving yourself permission to witness your life is one of the first requirements and along the way of course you can request support or guidance to accomplish certain changes or improvements in your life, but it is you that ignites everything and dictates the direction you want to take!
And the more you base those intentions with the ingredients mentioned above: emotions, vision and a coherent/congruent reason, the easier the journey will be!
Free yourself from patterns, beliefs and programs that are not aligned with the person you want to be and experience the life you came here to fully enjoy! It is your time; it is your moment and you know it!